Wednesday, August 31, 2011


The Witness

     “Well…she went in there, and told the first witness, “Waise ya wite hand. Ya na ya cain’t lie- wite? If ya dooze, ya can goes ta jail.” He mimicked her, and continued, “When the fellow said I do she said, “Youse bin deposed.”

     “Ya pulling my leg, uh?”

     “Honest that’s how she did it, so we want to make sure we have a more professional job with the next guy. We don’t want to look half baked again. Ya understand?”


     “Okay then, see ya in a few.”

     Fortunately for me the witness was late, and we had to wait. So I called my agent, told her that I needed to do another signing, and these folks weren’t ready. She got on the phone with their guy, and negotiated a higher price. I wind up getting two hundred and twenty five spendoodits for forty minutes work. The same guy came back, and told me they had agreed to Mary’s terms. I never found out what they were. But, if I was getting two twenty five, she must have been getting close to five. The guy wasn’t pleased, so I told him I had nothing to do with it, and gave him my card for the next time. Anyway, ten minutes later, the witness shows up, and they call me.

     I walked in, looked at the arbitrator,

     “Good afternoon, sir.”

     He smiled, and silently directed me to the witness. I walked over to the witness table, and addressed him,

     “Please stand, raise your right hand,” and with my best poker face, I read right out of my primer: “Do you solemnly, sincerely, truly declare, and affirm that the statements made by you are true, and correct to the best of your knowledge, and belief?”

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