Thursday, September 1, 2011


The Sea Captain

     “I do!” He deadpanned.

     “You’ve been deposed!” I responded.

     It was over, I nodded to the commission, and walked out. Out in the hallway I felt a little yen for nicotine, but it passed as quickly as it came when that same guy came out and, said:

     “Well done buddy,” as he heartily shook my hand.

     “Next time, call me direct, and we’ll work something out.”

    Out in the car I called Mary, and gave her a rundown,

     “Well next time yar our guy, dude…ya got it.”

     “Never say neigh,” I answered, and hung up as I heard her crack up again over the old lady saying,  “Waise ya wite hand…ya na ya cain’t lie.”

     That was probably my smoothest and coolest deed, but I had one that made me feel as if I were James Bond. It was out on a barge, in the middle of the night. I got a call the day before one Thanksgiving, for a signing out at College point. They had to do the signing that day, or the borrowers would have had to wait another month or more  to get badly needed funds.

    “Oh please ya gotta do diz one for me,” she begged.

     I was really busy, and didn’t want to do it. Apparently so was every other agent, so they offered me a buck and a quarter. They promised it would be quick, I agreed. The borrower was a barge captain, who was traveling down the Hudson river at the time, and promised to be in the area by two in the afternoon. At three o’clock still no barge. At four, I had to attend mass with my family, still no barge. I called the agency.

     “I can’t do this till after 5:30,” I says.


     “I will be in church with my family, you won’t be able to reach me.”


     “No Cell phones in church,” I says.

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