Day CCXIV

Niagra Falls

      “Oh, I’m so sorry!” She rasped, without even looking to see whom she had offended.

    That act awakened him from a deep slumber, and brought him out of whatever paradise he was visiting. The thing is that as she sat down, and her knee pushed his toe, he right then, and there decided to stand. When he did, he faced her, and as he did so, Niagara Falls immediately burst forth through his fly, drenching her from head to toe. It seemed like a long silent moment, and all we could hear was the clackety clack of the train, and the gushing urine.

     “Oooops!” He muttered, as he tried to hold it back by grabbing his crotch.

     “Oooooooooo…Euuuuuuuuuuu modafacking bastid!”

     She screamed as she shook her hands in the air, desperately trying to shake the vile urine from herself. The bum sat down, and looked at her.

    “I’m really sorry ma’am!” He muttered, as he tried to dry her coat with his empty hands. All of this went on as she screamed every profanity in the book at him.

    As far as I was concerned, it was like something out of a silent movie or a Mel Brooks flick, and I found myself in a deep guffaw…

     “Haw haw haw haw…oh sheeeeeeeet he hee heeee!”

     Then everybody in the car followed suit, and it was just pandemonium, and hilarity. It’s funny when it you aren’t the object of ridicule. When the laughter started, she began pounding on his head with her purse. As he tried to cover up, she paused, took off her shoe, and hit him with it as well, until she was exhausted. Then she sat down, cried, cursed at him, occasionally slapped at him, and as I got off the train she lit up a smoke. Like the con King says all the time, only in America…but sometimes, well, it’s New York, man.